


Forever Part Two

by TaraTyler



Series: Spemily [5]
Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 03:24:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6687208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaraTyler/pseuds/TaraTyler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer's point of view</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever Part Two

It had been bothering me more than I thought it would that Emily didn’t know about my addiction. The guilt plagued me more than -A did. I had her in my room with me now and everything in me wanted to tell her now. It was a pretty big thing to just drop on her out of the blue. However it was eating me alive and Emily was starting to realize that something was wrong.

“Emily, do you remember much of the night when Alison disappeared?” I ask, looking up at her from my place on the bed.

“I spent most of that night afraid or asleep. Why do you ask?” She replies and I can tell that she’s suspicious and confused.

“I didn’t sleep through the night that night. I can’t remember much of it, but… Alison and I had fought. It was so much worse than the usual bickering that night. I wasn’t clear-headed. She found out something about me that I think that you should know now.” I study my nails and my heart bangs against my ribcage.

“I’ve told you before that you can tell me anything. I’m not so easily scared off. Just start from the beginning.” Emily sits down beside of me on the bed. I’ve always loved the way Emily is when it’s just the two of us. She’s in an off-the-shoulder top and sweats, totally relaxed. She holds one of my hands in both of her own and I take all of the comfort in it that I can. Her skin is as soft as anything.

“I hadn’t told you and/or the others because I knew that after, you would look at me differently. My parents and Melissa have never looked at me the same since. It’s even why I am one of the main suspects in Alison’s murder. It’s why I didn’t sleep through the night that night and can’t really remember much of what actually happened. I was too strung out.” I tell, her scared that once she knows she won’t want to be with me anymore.

“Strung out?” Emily asks, and I pray that she won’t hate me. I’ve found that I have come to love her so much that it aches in my chest.

“Alison had found out that I was on amphetamines. The smart kids’ drug of choice. A study aid with a child proof cap. I was so wired that I couldn’t stay asleep even when Alison drugged us. We had been fighting, but when she realized my secret, she promised to keep it between the two of us. I had never been more grateful to her in my entire life.” I bow my head, ashamed of the secret that I had been keeping. However, Emily didn’t seem too upset or angered by it. More sad and concerned.

“You were doing speed?” Emily asks, genuinely shocked.

“Almost religiously.” I answer, nodding quietly. “I was in the depths of my obsession and need to win. I used the pills to study for days and nights at a time. It was only after Alison disappeared that my parents sent me to get help. They even hired a detective to follow me. My own parents thought that I was capable of murdering my best friend. FOr a while there, even I thought that I might have done it.” I’ve started to cry a little now. I let the tears slip down my cheeks quietly and without acknowledgement.

Emily settles into my side, and I curl back into her as well. Even just being next to her calms me a lot.

“How could you believe that you would ever be capable of killing Ali? You loved her just as much as the rest of us did. You might not be the gentlest of us, but you would never be able to hurt a fly if you didn’t feel that you had to.” Emily looks truly insulted on my behalf.

“I know that I didn’t kill her now. I hallucinated while I was in withdrawal that I did, though and I believed it. I wasn’t even myself anymore while I was like that. Who knows what I could have been capable of.” I murmur and Emily wraps her arms around me. She pulls me in tight, kissing my hair. The last time this happened, the two of us had discovered a dead body. I still have those nightmares.

“You could never kill anyone out of anger, Spencer. High or not, and no matter what, I still see you as my brilliant, beautiful, and brave girlfriend. If you need me to remind you everyday, I’ll do it.” Emily says. “But if I see you with pills, from now on, I will smack you so hard that our grandkids will still be feeling it.”

I only really caught one part of that sentence, though I had heard the rest. I loved the idea that Emily was thinking of our one day family. Our grandchildren. Our family. THe two of us with kids.

“Our grandkids, huh?” I ask, smiling now, barely a tilt of my lips.

“Is that the only thing that you got out of that statement?” Emily asks, blushing a little. I love her face when I make her blush. I love it that I can have that kind of an effect on her.

“There was something about you hitting me too, but I only really heard you saying that you wanted to have my babies.” I can’t help my grin. I don’t know why the statement made me so happy, but it did. That warm fuzzy feeling that they talk about in movies and Nick Sparks books expanded in my stomach. I can’t help my grin so I lean forward and kiss Emily quickly on the stomach.

“Yeah, I don’t think that I ever actually said that.” Emily backtracks and I laugh a little.

“But we would have super attractive, athletic, genius babies.” I protest, enjoying the sparkle of fun in Emily’s chocolate eyes.

“Who solve crimes.” Emily adds and I know then that I have reeled her in, hook, line, and sinker.

“We could start a book series.” I say, thinking of Sherlock Holmes.

“Aria could write it for us.” Emily agrees. It feels like we are two totally normal teenagers for a while and I revel in it.

“We would have to get married first.” I say, knowing already that that is the direction I want us to head in. I try to smile the suddenly rather serious thought away. “You would make the most beautiful bride.”

Emily Fields would make the most beautiful bride that the world had ever seen.

“I would have Hanna as my maid of honor and you could have Aria.” Emily takes it in stride.

“Your mom would cry, and Melissa would be bridezilla on my behalf. She loves weddings and would use mine as a way to overcompensate for not having had her own.” I can see it now and it is hilarious.

“What about your parents?” Emily asks, and I don’t know what she wants me to say.

“They’re there too.” I scoff. They’re only there if there aren’t any clients that they need to meet with. “But your dad is definitely there and he walks you down the aisle to me. I wouldn’t be able to stand the eyes on me and he’s standing tall and handsome in his uniform.” 

No one will even glance at me when Em is striding towards me in her dress and the music is playing. Colonel Fields and Emily would dominate the room and she would dominate the room and she would outshine the sun and all of the stars. I can’t help but to wish that the wedding were tomorrow. All of this bottled up love is fighting to escape me.

“I wish that it was tomorrow. That day feels like forever from now.” Emily seems to have been thinking the same thing as me.

“Forever isn’t that long. Four years ago, we thought that graduation was forever away and now it feels as though no time has passed at all.” I say, thoroughly lost in thought now. I lay back and space out in the general direction of my ceiling.

Emily leans back into me. It’s her favorite way to lay down, using my shoulder as her pillow and I use the opportunity to play with her hair.

“I feel like high-school has lasted a lifetime. If you think back to freshman year, the four of us were completely different people. Those girls wouldn’t have recognized us.” Emily thinks out loud and I have to agree.

“Freshman Spencer would have been so jealous that she could pop. Me, sober, and getting laid regularly. A girlfriend that I love and that loves me, who knows my secrets, and is totally hot. My sister, far, far away from me. What could be better?” I ask and laugh when a shocked Emily smacks me in the stomach. I love to surprise her with my crass side.

“Maybe if there weren’t a murder investigation, a dead best friend, and a psycho-killer-text-blackmailer?” Emily asks as though it were obvious. Doesn’t she know that she make every bit of that pain and angst worth it?

“Yeah, that would be nice too.” I shrug. “Who knew that dead lake guy would be such a pain in the ass?”

My mother had even come home temporarily to quote unquote ‘deal with Spencer’s mess’, like I had actually had something to do with the murder. I took the opportunity to come out to both parents at once. Neither gave a flying rat’s ass so I moved on to clearing my name.

“For real, but your mom is on that now, so we’re in the clear.” Emily says with utmost faith in the Hastings’ ability to get what they want.

“And for once we didn’t actually do anything wrong.”I say with a sigh of relief.

“Are you both dressed? I’m coming in.” Hanna barges into the room with her hands shielding her eyes.

“We’re decent, Han. What brings you over with no prior warning?” I ask, sitting up once Emily has uncurled herself from around me to dangle her legs off the side of my bed.

“I texted you both repeatedly and called. What had you so distracted?” Aria asks, trailing in behind Hanna.

“We were just talking.” Emily says, blushing a bit. She’s so easily embarrassed it’s adorable.

“Then why is your shirt on inside out?” I swear that Hanna would make a fantastic detective if she would just let me train her.

“I never said that that was all that we’ve been doing.” Emily smiles despite her pink cheeks and I’m proud of her for it. Even Hanna looked mildly taken aback.

“Quit that, Spence. There’s no reason to get all Cheshire Cat. We get it, you’re getting laid. No need to rub it in.” Aria grumbles. 

“You’re just upset that your boyfriend is a dad now.” I say meanly, just to get that eye-roll out of her.

“Don’t remind me.”

“Too late.”

“You’re an ass.”

“I know.” My grin widens. Aria just makes it too easy to pick on her.

“So what were you guys talking about?” Hanna rudely interrupts to ask Emily.

“Our hypothetical wedding.” I reply before Emily can interrupt. I know that it’s cheesy but I adore the idea.

“How gross.” Aria mutters and I can’t help but to think that she is small enough for me to punt kick her like a football.

“You’re just bitter. That is actually really gross, but in a sweet and romantic way. Is one of you planning on proposing or something?” Hanna asks. I, personally, would do it any day now, but that isn’t considered socially acceptable at seventeen.

“Not any time soon, I don’t think.” I appreciate that Emily glances over to me just to see if I agree.

“Yeah, we were just goofing around.” I add. “We were having a silly moment.”

“You two are too sweet. Hashtag relationship goals.” Hanna needs to go. Now. I don’t allow hashtags to be spoken aloud in my presence, ever.

“I’m really happy for the both of you, and actually quite proud that you are taking this relationship so seriously.” Aria says and I’m realizing that I’m proud of us too. I’m also happy that Aria is proud because as the Bard said ‘Though she be tiny, she be fierce.’ I still remember Aria’s copious and graphic threats of what she will do to me if I hurt Emily.

“Yeah, I think that it’s wonderful too. I’m just jealous that I never thought of dating one of you first...Hey… Aria…” Hanna jokes.

“No.” was her immediate reply.

Then all four of us were laughing and I was thinking that I couldn’t remember the last time that we were all this happy. I set my gaze on Emily to memorize the moment. She looks back at me and I gently cover her lips with my own.

“What’s that for?” She asks.

“You looked perfectly beautiful right then. I haven’t seen you laugh like that in a long time.” I wasn’t aware of the fact that I needed a reason to kiss my girlfriend. I’m sure though, that I will always be able to find one.

\-----/////-----

“How do you guys feel about dinner? Raid the fridge?” I ask. We’ve all been lazing around for the past hour. The girls agree and we head downstairs, Emily’s shirt now turned right side out. I’ve enjoyed having Emily here but I feel like she’s starting to worry about me. I’m not sure if it’s about what I told her about earlier or not, but I don’t want her to. The Fields’ family is so focused on family that they don’t understand the way that mine operates.

“Where did you say that your parents were this time?” She asks, following my own train of thought.

“Working cases. I think that my mom is in California. I’m not sure where my dad ended up.” I say with a noncommittal shrug.

We curl up onto various pieces of furniture in my living room. Well everyone else is on couches or in chairs. I’m on Emily. Curled up against her is my favorite place in the world. It’s warm and comfortable. I get so relaxed that I fall asleep almost immediately.

It’s only a few hours later when I wake up again. The thunder shakes me awake with a start and I can’t help the feeling that something is very wrong. I un-peel myself from Emily’s tight embrace,and pad quietly to the kitchen for coffee. It sounds almost like my entire house is rattling and I make my coffee by the light of the lightning. Never before have I been so glad to have my friends sleeping over. It’s on nights like this one that it is the worst to be alone.

A tapping sound on the window nearby almost scares me enough to make me drop my mug. I could almost laugh at myself for being so ridiculous. I shrug a shawl from the back of the couch around my shoulders and admire my sleeping friends. I feel this rush of affection for them all. I turn a lock of Emily’s hair around my finger and wind it undone again. The tapping sound comes back on another window, just like the echo from earlier, more insistently this time. My suspicion increased tenfold this time when the sound had followed me. Fear struck me right in the chest when I caught a glimpse of blonde hair through a window. I leave my coffee on the table and I run out onto the patio, unsure even of what I expect to find. The rain doesn’t even register with me when I hear a dead weight thump onto the porch.

I slide to my knees at the side of an unconscious blonde girl. With a grunt I roll her onto her back and brush wet hair out of her face. My fears were actualized. It was Alison DiLaurentis. She was breathing, her heart beating in her chest. Very much alive. I glance over her quickly, looking for anything that needed immediate attention. Alison is out cold and I can’t get her inside without help.

“Get up, up! Get Hanna, and come on!” I shake Emily awake and stick my foot into Aria’s rib-cage. I run back to Ali without looking back.

“Spencer, what’s wrong!?” Em follows and I kneel back down beside of Alison, hundreds more questions flitting through my mind.

“Help me out here, Em.” I say, pulling one of Alison’s arms over my shoulders.

“Alison?” Emily asks, terror in her voice. I can understand that. I felt it too, while the others got themselves up.

“We need to get her inside. Now.” I say, fearing hypothermia for our friend. Aria and Hanna held the door open so that Emily and I can get Alison to the guest bedroom.

“Is she hurt?” Aria asks.

“We need to get her out of these wet clothes.” Emily says and I agree. She’ll never get warm when she’s soaked down to the bone.

“We should call the police.” Hanna adds.

“Guys, stop! I need to think.” I demand. I can’t have them prattling on.

“We won’t know much of anything until she’s awake. You two run a hot bath while Emily and I get her out of these clothes. I can’t really decide on what to do until I know if she’s hurt. I run a hand through my hair only just realizing how cold I am, it’s confusing and stressful.

“You don’t have to decide now, Spence. You’re allowed to be just as scared as we are. You can feel your feelings.” Emily puts a hand on my shoulder and I cover her hand with my own.

“Not now, Emily. We can talk about this later.” she cuts me off, tugging Alison’s jeans off a Emily cuts her shirt off.

“Why now?” I look back at her.

“We’ll have to ask her.” Emily says, anxiously tugging the hair on top of her head.

“She isn’t bleeding anywhere. Check her head for bumps, bruises, or blood” I order, shutting myself down into leader mode.

“You okay, Em?” I ask, realizing that I haven’t stopped once to check on her. I really am a shit girlfriend.

“This changes everything. Playing the game just got a whole lot harder. What are we going to tell the police? Mr. and Mrs.D? Your brother?” Emily asks, her mind had clearly gone in the same direction as mine.

“We’ll figure it out. I’m a Hastings, remember? And with you and the girls we can do anything.” I say, faking confidence. I pull her in and squeeze. “We’ll be okay.”

Emily helps me get Alison into the bath that Aria and Hanna had drawn.

“How does she look?” asks Han as Aria (ever the group mom) kneels to start bathing her. Of all of us, Aria has the best bedside manners.

“No obvious injuries. If she doesn’t wake up within the hour, I’m going to call an ambulance. If she has gotten into trouble, I’m not going to let her drag us down with her as well this time. We can do what we can to help, but I don’t want us to get in trouble as well.” I say. We have had way too many problems come up just because of Alison. No one protests.

“Hanna, can you go get her some water? She seems dehydrated.” Aria suggests before sending. Emily and I to go get dry.

“Spence, you’re drenched… and exhausted.” she tosses a towel over my head like I’m a ghost. I’m not in the mood. In fact, I’ve gone absolutely to the dark place.

“It’s at times like these that I miss the pills. I don’t feel like a good enough leader without them. I’m tired and wet and unsure. What if I should have just called the ambulance right then.” I yank the towel off of my head and wrap it around my shoulders as Emily changes.

I love it when she wears my clothes. If you ask me they look ten times better on her.

“You are brilliant leader and you don’t need pills to prove it. Asking yourself ‘what if’ questions isn’t going to help us or our resurrected friend.” she says as she slowly drags a pair of my panties up her legs. I know what she’s trying to do, so I do my best to avoid betraying myself with a reaction. When she finally pulls on my pants I feel better.

“I never expected being the leader to be this hard.” I say in an undertone.

“Arms up.” Emily demands and I put my arms up as she asked immediately. I’m almost expecting her to pat me down for a bottle of pills. She’s still speaking though, so I guess not. “You’ve had to deal with a lot more than Ali ever did, and if you ask me, you’ve done a much better job.”

I don’t see why Emily would think that. When Alison was in charge, it was like we were all under a spell. I’ve never managed to get that to happen with the girls. We all just followed her lead automatically. I have to lay out everything to them and explain my logic to get the others to agree with me. It’s completely different.

“What makes you say that?” I ask. She unsnapped my bra like it’s nothing to her and pulls a sweatshirt down over my head. She pulls me up to stand from my spot on the bed and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear tenderly. It’s amazing, the way she can look into my eyes and make me feel like she can stare all of the way into my soul. She kneels and starts to work on my jeans.

“You’ve kept us all alive. Ali almost got us all killed. That’s a plus in my books.” Emily mutters and pulls my pants down. I take notice of the blush in her cheeks and feel proud for some reason.

“Plus, I have you. She was too blind to just how fantastic you are, strong and supportive, even when I’m kind of an ass.” I step out of my underwear without taking my eyes off of her. She stands up quickly and all of a sudden her lips are on mine. I hadn’t expected it and my face breaks out into a grin without my permission. I know that it’s a weird habit and I don’t want to scare Emily off so I pull back a bit.

It’s exactly what I need when a strong arm wraps around my waist and pulls me in closer. I groan when her mouth moves to my pulse point and I want to thank Jesus, His Father, and His mother that I’m not wearing underwear. They plan a path down to my collarbone and a noise escapes my throat that would make a porn star blush.

“We can’t until this is sorted.” Emily holds me away by one shoulder, and I am so worked up that I swear I could cry. Plus, she started it.

“After?” I ask with a pout.

“Immediately after.” Emily agrees. I smile, glad to know that I won’t be the only one looking forward to a tryst.

“Good. You know that I love you, right?” I ask, checking her eyes for any doubts or hurts.

“I do. ANd you know that I love you too, right? Even when you’re an ass, you’re insecure or when you’re sad and scared. I’ll still love you.” Emily says before kissing me once more, gently this time, then heading back downstairs.

I feel better, now armed with Emily’s reassurances and offer my friends a confident smile upon my return.

“Spencer! Emily! Ali’s awake!” Hanna whisper-yells up the staircase as we started to rush the rest of the way down.

I follow her to where Alison has moved to the quiet bed, clad in a fluffy white bathrobe. I’m incredibly relieved and scared when I hug her that if it’s too tight she might break. She just looks so incredibly delicate. I let Emily do the same, once I am reassured that Alison is whole.

“Ali...are you okay?” I ask, just to double check myself.

“That depends on your definition of okay. I’m not physically injured, just incredibly tired, hungry and thirsty.” She answers, and I can totally get behind her meaning. The signs are written all across her face. She might be okay, but she isn’t well.

“If you were dehydrated enough to pass out, we should get you to a hospital. Unless there is something else that we need to know?” I ask, keys clenched in one fist, not sure of how Alison ever got here, much less the trouble that she may be in.

“First, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am…” Ali begins and I’m ready to hear it, until Emily cut her off that is.

“You can hold off on all of that till later. We need you safe and healthy before you start trying to make amends.”

I don’t think that I have ever been more proud of Emily. I’m very glad to see her willing to stand up to Alison, given their history.

“With you here now… are we in any danger?” Aria Montgomery with the important questions.

“No more than you were before I got here.” Ali answers.

“Okay, we’re going then. Emily call the DiLaurentis house, Aria the police, Hanna, our parents.” I pass out instructions as Emily and I help Alison to the car. “Sit in the back with Emily.” I trust her the most if something bad were to happen.

I’m starting to panic again, the facade of false confidence wearing off as I slide behind the wheel. I listen in on all of the conversations in case I need to interrupt. Emily doesn’t take any DiLaurentis crap and I almost grin.

“Well done, Em.” I tell her.

Emily smiles softly back at me, then looks back at Alison as I watched her in the rearview mirror. She brushes the blonde hair out of Alison’s face with a tenderness that is usually reserved only for myself. A fire comes to life in the pit of my stomach. I do my best to temper it and return my attention to the road. Still yet, it is undeniably there.

“We’re here. Everyone out.” I pronounce and jump out, heading back to assist Emily with Alison.

“It’s time to wake up, honey.” I tell the sleeping blonde and half lift her from the car, down to her feet.

Out of habit, I take Emily’s hand in mine and take a long look into her eyes, trying to communicate my feelings without words. I check Alison into the Emergency Room, ignoring the expressions that her particular name elicits. We take seats in the waiting room and within minutes, the girls are piled up on one another across the seats, asleep. Emily’s head is on my shoulder and I do my best not to notice her occasional whimper. My fear keeps me awake, my mask on so no one can read my face for fear of someone who can pick up on my true feelings.

Emily woke up again when, an hour later, Pam Fields, Ella Montgomery and Byron Montgomery, along with Ashley Marin barged in. I almost wished for my own mother. Then I remembered that she would only go into lawyer mode and interrogate me for what I know. I’m not in a mood to be pumped for information. I took the thought back. Even with her mom occupying her attention, I was pleased when Emily never let go of my hand.

“You girls can’t do anything for her here. Why don’t you come home with us, Spencer?” Mrs. Fields offers, and I’m mildly taken aback by her kindness.

“Thank you for the offer, Mrs.Fields, but I would like to be here for Alison when she wakes up. She needs one of her friends here for her and I’m the only one with no one at home. I’d want it to be me.” I reply as politely as possible. Emily’s grip on my hand tightens.

“I’d like to stay as well, Mom. If anything happens, I want to be here.” Emily casts pointed looks to the others who nodded in agreement. Despite our collective exhaustion, Aria and Hanna argue their points to their parents.

“As long as the four of you stick together, I’m sure that you’ll be okay.” Ms. Marin says, though she still looks concerned.

“We love you girls, be good.” Aria’s mom says.

“Of course.” Emily replies. “We love you all, too.”

“I’m sure that your mother and father would be here if they could, Spencer.” says Mrs.Fields and I refrain from rolling my eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I scoff. It’s funny, honestly, it actually takes methamphetamines to get my parents’ attention. This isn’t enough. They all look at me for a moment before taking their leave. Ezra arrives and he occupies Aria’s attention for a while.

“She’s really here?” He asks.

“She’s in an exam room being looked over. The police will be here soon. They’ll be holding us up for a while. Mrs. DiLaurentis is in there with Ali now, her dad is on his way. No one has seen Jason for a few months. We figure that he’s drying out somewhere.” I fill him in. I’ve been anxious over Jason’s disappearance for the past long while. “You guys can go back to sleep if you need to. I’ll wake you when we learn something.”

It’s three AM.

“No way. You’ve been up longer than any of us. You nap and I’ll wake you up if anything happens.” Emily refutes my proposition immediately. I can tell that she is very aware of how tired I am. I only took a second to think about it before curling up in Emily’s lap, hiding my face in her abs. Her fingers trailed through my hair only a few times before the world disappeared around me.

It was only half an hour before Emily woke me up. Mrs.D is there with coffee, the stuff that makes up 80% of my bloodstream. We all look to the older woman for information. I know that she hates me, but I hope that she’ll cave with the other four here.

“She’s exhausted, dehydrated, and malnourished. She’s going to be okay, but she wants to see you. The doctor says one at a time, though. We can’t have too many people around at once; overwhelming her. Stick around though, the police want your statements.” she finally says.

I’m not looking forward to that. I’m really not. They don’t look like me. I mean, now they know that I definitely didn’t kill Alison, but there is still someone in that grave. Mr. Dead-Lake-Guy is still an issue as well.

“You guys go first. My questions can wait until last.” Emily says and I cast a worried glance at her. My thoughts are running like crazy through my mind. Maybe her feelings for Alison are resurfacing. I can’t compete with Ali. I don’t think anyone can.

Hanna and Aria both go in and hug Alison with a smile, then come back, looking teary eyes, but pleased. Emily and I don’t ask many questions but they tell us that Ali had apologized and promised to make amends. Now it was my turn and I feared what Alison might tell me. I still don’t remember much of the night that she disappeared. I still might have killed the girl that’s in Ali’s grave. I glance once to Emily and kiss her forehead, lingerly, before heading to speak to our friend.

She smiled at me sadly when I came into the room and I sat in the hideous chair beside of her bed. I took her hand in mine and just looked at her for a while. Usually I have everything planned out, but this was unexpected. I didn’t have a clue for what to say. I really didn’t know of a thing to say.

“Why me?” I finally ask, though I have a guess at the answer.

“I knew that your parents wouldn’t be home and that you would know how to take care of me.” Alison says. “You were always the smart one. Even when you were strung out.”

“I’m not like that anymore. I don’t do that anymore.” I insist, standing up. “I… I told Emily.”

“You told her which thing?” Alison asks, looking intrigued. I sit back down.

“Both. After you… left, I went to rehab. I came to terms with my addiction and my feelings for Emily. I told her how I felt about her awhile back after some… stuff. I told her about the pills much more recently and she loves me still. I love her more than I had ever thought before. We’ve been together for a few months now. They’ve been the best few month of my life. Honestly...I really wanted you to be happy for us. Emily told us about your...thing, or whatever. You know… from before. Just promise me that you won’t hurt her again. Swear it.” I put the remnants of my strength into my words and search Alison’s eyes for signs of malice.

“I promise. I’m telling you that I’m different now. I’ve changed just as much as you have. I don’t want to hurt any of you. I was probably the harshest with you and Emily and I am so….” Alison begins and I interrupt.

“I don’t want to hear it. I want to see it. Actions mean more to me than words. Prove it to me.” I demand “I am glad that you’re okay. I’m just not sure yet that I am glad that you’re here. I’ll come back to see you later.” I take my leave of Alison and return to Emily.

She seems to read my distress in my demeanor and hugs me tightly before I had the slightest chance to get a word in edgewise.

“She asked me to send you in after. Ali’s getting anxious, so … be careful. We don’t want her to go into hysterics… just… I love you, okay?” I say wanting her to go in to ALison with that thought in her mind. I feel antsy, unsure that I could ever get still again.

“You have nothing to worry about. I love you, and you alone. I got over Ali a long time ago, with a lot of help form you.” she smiles at me sweetly.

“How did I help?” I hadn’t even known that Emily had had a thing for Alison and I was probably the last person that she would want to talk to.

“You wore that field hockey skirt.” Emily says with an almost snort. “It drove me nuts and I had no idea why for the longest time. It was my own personal purgatory. Your Hastings legs could kill a body.”

It surprised me to know that Emily had even been looking, much less noticing and I felt the warm tickle of a blush on my cheeks. Emily takes one of my hands in her own and turns it over. She presses it palm to her chest. I can feel her heart beat in time with my own. She holds it there while kissing me softly and slowly… almost as though it were a promise.

“Go talk to Ali. I’ll be here, waiting. Ezra will take Hanna and Aria home.” I ease myself into one of the chairs and Emily studies me, looking for what, I don’t know, but I let her. She bends to kiss me again, and I revel in it. I very purposefully avoid watching Emily and Alison interact.

She comes back to me awhile later, simply looking exhausted. I don’t know what to do but hold her and I can feel Alison’s eyes burning twin holes into me. I pet her hair and tell her that I love her over and over again. She comes to some conclusion and kisses me; hard, fast and desperate. I tilt my forehead to hers so I can look at her.

“Thank you, for being here.” she says. I want to pick the statement apart but can’t let myself spin around in circles like that.

“I will always be here. Whenever you need me.” I take a deep, fortifying breath. “Do you want to go home now.”

“That would be very nice.” Emily doesn’t let go of me, like I’m a monolith giving her to the floor. I un-string her arms from around my neck and guide her by the hand to the car. I’m unsure as to when I started to think of my house as home to me and Emily. We walk in comfortable silence and Emily is asleep almost even before she hits her seat. I’m thankful to my extra time in the gym when I realize that Em isn’t going to make it to bed without my help.

In all honesty, she’s lighter than I expected though unlocking the door proved to be a puzzle. Once solved and in bed, I scarcely take off my shoes before curling in against her. I match my breathing to her own and fall asleep quickly.

Once awake the next morning, though it’s almost afternoon I can feel Emily watching me. Her fingers trace soothing patterns over my skin and I fight to go back into oblivion. However, I can almost hear how hard Emily is thinking. Shared poetry leaves trails in our minds.

“Good morning.” I force a reply from my lips, looking back up at her. “Have you been awake long?”

“Just a couple of minutes. I was watching you sleep.” If it were anyone else that would be creepy. “Thank you for carrying me to bed last night. It was incredibly sweet of you.”

“No big. I’m just glad that last night is over. How was your talk with Ali?” I know that I don’t really want to know, but I am also so morbidly curious. I know that my heart could well and truly end up shattered but I don’t want to think about that.

“She apologized for leading me on, and all of the other things. She said that I could have had a chance with her if I really wanted it. She then said that she was glad that I have you and that we were good for one another. That was the end of it.” Emily shrugs nonchalantly and I take a moment to consider. I had never realized or even thought that Alison may return Emily’s affections.

“That’s about the same thing that she told me when I told her that the two of us were together.” I reply, nodding thoughtfully.

“I’m proud of us.” Emily says.

“Why?” I ask, not understanding where her train of thought had run off to.

“We managed to surprise Alison DiLaurentis. How many people can say that?” Emily asks.

“Probably whomever it was that hit her in the head with that rock. Us. Bethany. Jason and his stupid club… you and your crush on her… “ I think out loud, compiling a list.

“That was figurative, Spence.” Emily laughs.

“You know that I love a list.” I giggle back.

“You know that I love you?” Emily asks.

“I do. I love you, too. It would be impossible to make a list of the reasons why.” I put on my best cheesy voice.

“You are such a sap.”

“Only for you.”

“Stop it.” Emily demands, tickling my ribs. “That’s just gross.”


End file.
